The Golden Path to Enlightenment

My Wedding Ring “Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift.” – Mary Oliver Loving myself was once very difficult. When I was a child, my mom told me that my dad and my paternal grandma didn’t come to see my arrival to this world immediately because I was born a girl, instead of the expected boy, a gender that was highly valued in my Chinese family. I understand that my mom just needed to vent her anger and disappointment. But as a child, the programming that I got was that I was not worthy of love for being female. At that time, it felt like a verdict and it was deeply traumatic. So, I grew up as a tomboy, always wanted to be a boy, and denied my feminine side. But ironically during adulthood, I became a feminist, had a lot of judgement towards men, felt jealous for their privileges, and really struggled living in a highly patriarchal society. Most of my friends were strong inspirational ladies and at one p...

Photo by Arto Marttinen on Unsplash Vipassana meditation is not for the faint of heart. It is one of the most challenging and rigorous spiritual programs that I have experienced. For ten days, I practiced noble silence and wasn’t allowed to communicate with others verbally, using gesture, body language or eye contact unless for emergency or during consultation with the teacher. Each day, the program started at 4:00 am and ended at 9:00 pm (17-hour day) and included the practice of eleven hours of silent mediation (there were chants here and there and oh how much I cherished the beautiful sound!). The whole routine reminded me of my past lives as a monk and I am so glad they were all behind me now. Although joining a monastery had crossed my mind during one of my darkest times, I realized during this program that I don’t want a repeat of my monk life. One of the main challenges for me during the program, surprisingly, was the disappearance of reading and writing activity. I...