The Noble Silence of Vipassana Meditation

Photo by Arto Marttinen on Unsplash

Vipassana meditation is not for the faint of heart. It is one of the most challenging and rigorous spiritual programs that I have experienced. For ten days, I practiced noble silence and wasn’t allowed to communicate with others verbally, using gesture, body language or eye contact unless for emergency or during consultation with the teacher. Each day, the program started at 4:00 am and ended at 9:00 pm (17-hour day) and included the practice of eleven hours of silent mediation (there were chants here and there and oh how much I cherished the beautiful sound!). The whole routine reminded me of my past lives as a monk and I am so glad they were all behind me now. Although joining a monastery had crossed my mind during one of my darkest times, I realized during this program that I don’t want a repeat of my monk life.

One of the main challenges for me during the program, surprisingly, was the disappearance of reading and writing activity. I came to realize that I read and write every day of my life for as long as I could remember and they have been significant parts of my life. So, I had to be satisfied by reading the announcement board both in English and in Indonesian during lunch break and by the end of the program I was pretty sure I had memorized all of the words. The biggest challenge though wasn’t the lack of the alphabets, the absence of soul or self (anatta) and God in the teaching component, the noble silence, the feeling of being restricted, caged, and suffocated from the rigid schedule and instruction nor the fatigue from the long days, it was the inner work. There was no escape. There was only me facing myself, my shadows, and the impurities of my mind in silence for ten days straight! Oh, my fleeting, flickering, and wandering monkey mind! I was going mad and started questioning why I joined the program in the first place. And what really drove me to the brink of insanity was the technique of Anapana and Vipassana meditation. It’s a process of mind purification at the deepest and root level to master your mind by using your mind. For me it’s like a brain surgery but ironically, I was both the surgeon and the patient! Prior to Vipassana, I have moved from a mind based to a more heart-based practice, so I really struggled at the beginning, almost ran away, and gave up in the middle of the program.

But luckily, I persevered and practiced strong determination (adhipathana). What really mattered wasn’t how many times my mind wandered but how often I eventually returned to my breath and myself again. And miracles started to happen. It was during Vipassana meditation when I was totally connected with all the fibers and cells in my body that I felt for the first time in my life truly aligned, complete, and whole. It was magical and intoxicating! I felt so light like a feather or a cloud, floating so freely in the universe. It was a moment of joy, peace, bliss, and harmony! Another magnificent magic was being reconnected and being able to feel my own energy (qi or prana) for the first time in this lifetime. It was initially warm and fuzzy. The sensation felt like an electric circuit that ran through my body and progressively I felt really hot, like a bonfire, and my body eventually became as hard as a rock. I felt so strong and powerful and, in that moment, I believed that my energy was all that I needed to sustain, protect, and heal myself. In awe of the sensation, I didn’t feel the need or want to come out of my meditation at all. 

A lot of things make more sense now. How Siddhartha Gautama Buddha could meditate and survived for 49 days straight without food or water before he reached his enlightenment. He only needed the energy coming from within and everything surrounding him. My beloved spiritual guru, Master Umesh H. Nandwani, once shared that there are people who live high in the mountain who don’t eat or drink; they sustain themselves with their own energy and energy from nature and universe. Such thing is indeed possible! Energy is the life force. Now, I fully comprehend why there’s so much focus on energy at the spiritual center I go to regularly (The Golden Space Indonesia) and why one of my spiritual teachers from Hawaii, El Harrington, only focuses on energy works. The finding of my own energy has deepened my connection with my energy centers (chakras) and triggered my interest to learn about Pranayama and Reiki or other energy healing modalities.

In addition to alignment and energy reconnection, I was blessed with more gifts. As I successfully practiced sleeping on my back, one night as I was falling asleep, I saw my soul leaving and watching my body. Startled, I returned to my consciousness instantly but it was one fascinating experience. Vipassana practice allowed me to spend a lot of time and energy focusing on my breath and each part of my body thoroughly. It was such a gentle and intimate conversation and connection with myself that it turned me on intensely. I couldn’t remember the last time I felt so sexually aroused or frustrated. The heat made me feel alive and I felt grateful to feel the fire again. Although the goal of Vipassana is to have a calm, quiet, and equanimous mind, in contrast, the focus on the mind made my mind became even more active. It was so wild, busy, and creative and my creation energy flowed so freely and I wrote many stories and a lot of songs played in my head. I am extremely grateful that the ideas of my two blogs, “The Adventures of Lulu Love” and the one you are reading now “The Golden Path to Enlightenment”, were born during this period of mental silence.

The solitude period was one of the most remarkable days of my life. I cherish the noble silence, the inner peace, the journey of immersing and diving so deeply within, the practice of total awareness and mindfulness, the art of living in the present moment, the state of oneness and complete absorption (samadhi), the reminder of the importance of breath and breathing, practicing loving-kindness Metta Bhavana meditation, listening to stories and lessons from Dhamma talks (The Universal Law of Nature), the delicious vegetarian meals, and the delightful much needed gadget detox. I was fortunate to learn and to be reminded of some fundamental lessons in life. That nothing is permanent (anicca), letting go of attachment, defilements, impurities, desires, sufferings (dukkha), and the state of equanimity (a balanced mind: a mind that has no craving or aversion, not wanting pleasant sensations to continue and unpleasant sensation to stop). I am also extremely grateful for the wisdom of truth: to see reality as it is, not as I like, want, or imagine it to be. All of these lessons have humbled and grounded me to my core. 

“Bhavatu Sabha Mangalam. Bhavatu Sabha Mangalam. Bhavatu Sabha Mangalam.” (May all be happy.)    

“Sadhu…sadhu…sadhu…” (Well said, I agree.)

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* Vipassana, which means to see things as they really are, is one of India's most ancient techniques of meditation. It was rediscovered by Gautama Buddha more than 2500 years ago and was taught by him as a universal remedy for universal ills. This non-sectarian technique aims for the total eradication of mental impurities and the resultant highest happiness of full liberation. Since the time of Buddha, Vipassana has been handed down, to the present day, by an unbroken chain of teachers and the last one in this chain was Guruji S.N. Goenka. (Source: Vipassana Meditation website). Vipassana Meditation Program is universal, global, and free (run based on donation).

** This post is dedicated to the late Guruji S.N. Goenka, one of my spiritual teachers. He’s a true inspiration! I love his story telling and his loving and compassionate nature. He’s also hilarious! He constantly reminded the students that Vipassana program is not an intellectual entertainment but the highlight of my day during the program was his Dhamma talk and I couldn’t help finding it highly intellectually entertaining. My favorite quotes from Guruji: “start with a calm, quiet, and equanimous mind” and “work diligently, diligently, patiently, patiently, consistently, consistently, persistently, persistently, and you are bound to be successful.”

*** I took Vipassana meditation program on 22-12-2019 until 2-1-2020 in Bogor, organized by Indonesia Vipassana Meditation Foundation. It was such a treat to be in nature and took time off just to be with myself to celebrate the end of a year and the beginning of a new year. The picture I chose for this post reflected the silence and the countless brilliant stars I saw on the sky at dawn when the day started and at night when the day ended. I’m so much looking forward to my next Vipassana journey!

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First drafted in Jakarta in May 4, 2020.