The Wisdom of Past Lives

 

Photo Credit: Canva

Although I was registered as a Buddhist, I didn't fully believe in past life and reincarnation. I was so depressed and tired all the time that the idea of having to live again exhausted me. But that all changed when I started seeing a past life in a meditation.  

The Past

During my first past life regression meditation, I saw myself as a mermaid. I laughed and brushed it off, thinking it was simply my imagination. Mermaids were mythical creatures, so they couldn't truly exist.

But something odd happened afterward. After that meditation, I started seeing mermaid signs everywhere. From a mermaid movie trailer showing on TV at the Laundromat when I was in line to drop my laundry, seeing a mermaid book as I queued to pay at a bookstore that I reluctantly also ended up buying, someone at the office wearing a jumper with mermaid writing on it to Nyai Loro Kidul (the mythical Queen of the South Sea) massive billboard on the road. After two weeks of persistent mermaid signs, I surrendered and accepted that perhaps I was indeed a mermaid in a past life. And the mermaid signs stopped. 

Being open to the existence of past life led me to see more past lives in other meditations and random moments. Among others were being a Viking Queen in Norway who lost my only son in a war and isolated myself in a depression bubble, a depressed housewife in Germany who had multiple miscarriages, a Catholic nun in Spain who was conflicted between her vow to God and her lover, a priestess in Scotland who chose duty over love, a poor abused housewife in India who drowned herself to death in a river, a monk in Nepal who fell into a deep hole and slowly died from thirst and hunger, a witch in Egypt who was chased and burned alive, and a tribal woman in South Africa who was gang-raped, killed, and eaten.

You may think that being able to see past lives is a rare and cool gift. Trust me, it wasn't always the case. Most memories shown to me were mostly negative experiences - unfinished businesses and unresolved emotions. It was excruciating to relive some of the tormented moments and feel the ancient pains, sorrows, and sufferings once again. My body would be in extreme pain, even I had to gasp for air and force myself not to be lost in a past life and return to this one.  

The Present

Despite the discomforts, reconnecting to past lives has brought powerful realizations and wisdom.

I understand myself better – why I feel more comfortable in water than on land (I was sea creatures for many lifetimes), why I cry whenever I hear an opera song (I was a passionate opera singer in Italy), why I love arts in all its forms (I played various art roles in many lifetimes), why I love reading, writing, learning, teaching, and it's so easy for me to be a dedicated student and teacher (I was a writer, a scholar, and a teacher in many lifetimes), why I had many issues with my womb (I lost my children in various ways and had miscarriages in numerous lifetimes), why I was depressed the majority of this lifetime (I had depression in many lifetimes including exactly before this one) and why I felt so ancient and weary of life (I am an old soul who had lived hundreds of lifetimes). I learned that I am the accumulation of my past lives and karma.

The past lives also taught me that there are no coincidences in life – why I met the same souls again in this lifetime  (to reconnect and clear our karmas), why I encountered the new souls (to teach and learn new lessons), why I was born and live in Indonesia (to enhance my religious tolerance), why I traveled to other places outside my residence (to reconnect with past lives and future homes), and why I am drawn to certain things, people, and places and not so much with others (past life memories and relationship dynamics).  

Knowing my life as a whole has brought a greater understanding of life – that we are all indeed equal and the same, one human family who are playing different roles in this lifetime. In my past lives, I had played different genders, religions, nationalities, races, occupations, social rankings, and sexual orientations. I was once an esteemed royal but a poor commoner in another. Though I was a victim in many lifetimes, I was also a perpetrator – I was murdered but I also killed. I was a nun in a lifetime, but a prostitute in another.

I was and am both the light and the dark, the yin and the yang. This lesson has made me more tolerant and less judgmental towards myself and others. I am a spirit who is having a human experience. I am aware of my human roles and attributes and now embrace my physical existence and Earth life, but I am no longer too attached to them as I know they are not permanent, and they do not define me. I am here to simply experience, learn, grow, and serve.              

Remembering my past lives has also allowed me to gradually work on unresolved emotions, baggage, and karmas – from the grief and depression of losing my children, the love heartbreaks, the pains and the sufferings from violence to painful deaths. Though reliving past lives could be extremely painful, going through them again was in itself a powerful healing therapy.

As I freed myself from the chains of the pasts and made peace with them, I became lighter, healthier, and happier. I started to live in the present and enjoy my life more. I learned that the most important life is the one I am living right now, as it is a reality that currently exists.

Past lives also taught me about repeated patterns such as depression, grief, and vows to duties, and if I don't break them and learn my lessons in this lifetime, they will carry over to the next ones.  

The Future

What I wanted for my future in the past was to vanish from this Earth and die. But luckily, it has shifted. I wished to stay and remain alive. As I understood the intricate game of life and why I’m here, I started to appreciate and marvel at life's beauty – its simplicity and sophistication. Though fleeting, I learned life is truly precious, and I am grateful to be alive.

Once helpless, I am now hopeful and know I have the power to create my future on my own terms.

Once divorced and jaded, I am now open to having a new life partner – to share and grow together, to love and to be loved. At 44, though quite late by society's standards, I am finally ready to start a new family.  

I was once a depressed workaholic who always worked for others. For the past few years, I have been self-employed and learned to become an entrepreneur. Last year, I established Co Create, a new platform to live my life purpose – serving God and the Earth by helping my fellow humans realize their dreams.   

Never had I dreamt of becoming a digital nomad, but I am living it – thanks to the pandemic that changed the way we live and work. Though I can now choose where to live, I decided to explore the realm of the unknown, the life of a gypsy, and the world of a digital nomad. And so I listened to my soul calling to return to the sacred and magical Scotland, a significant home of my past lives. The Isle of Skye has been calling me for years, so I surrendered and came home to my soul. 

But the truth is, for the first time in my life, I don't have a solid plan of where to live beyond Scotland. I simply knew I had to move from Jambi, where I resided in Indonesia. As a natural planner, this is extremely unusual. I can be anywhere on this planet, and it is both scary and thrilling. The uncertainty confused and irritated me at the beginning, yet slowly and surprisingly, I started to enjoy being in the space of the unknown.

I recalled being in a similar situation a few years ago when I chose to leave the corporate world at the start of the Covid-19 pandemic without having any solid plans. Though many considered it unwise, it was one of the best decisions I have ever made in my life. The space of the unknown can be nerve-racking, but I learned it is where the infinite possibilities lie. It has also gifted me with many blessings, including Co Create, and brought me to where I am right now – stretched and expanded.  And so, I surrender by allowing life to take me where I need to be and simply going with the flow. I learned to be comfortable with "I don't know".         

I trust that life will continue in its biorhythm of ups and downs, but I’m certain that if I learn my lessons, I can create a brighter future in this lifetime and beyond. Even the latest past life memories shown to me in China were happy and beautiful. I waited for a tragedy to occur, but it didn't happen – strikingly different from most I saw. I realize I don't have to suffer; I’m here to enjoy life and have fun. I deserve a happy, healthy, meaningful, and abundant life – with the scents of beautiful flowers and the magic of double rainbows.        

By learning from my past lives, I am able to live in the present and create a limitless future. 

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 First drafted in Jambi, Indonesia on April 20, 2023, and completed in Inverness, Scotland on January 18, 2024.